Total Confrontation?

I can never talk about my feelings or thoughts up front. I just can't. I love listening to others, I've always been a listener. But when it comes to my problems, I always think that somehow they will work out, that at some time everything will fall back into place. And I just stay shut. I hate confrontation, I hate having to let my feelings out to someone face to face. Sometimes there's just so much say that only a little comes out. 

Everything just feels overwhelming. But deep inside, I want to be heard, I want to be helped. I just don't know how to approach this help, whether that help is a person or just something that I do on my own. I don't where to find it.
But I find it real easy talking to someone online. That way I can be less afraid of them laughing in my face about my problems.
Having to talk to someone face to face, is just really hard. That's why I hate therapy. They sit there and just write stuff in their damn notepads. I don't want them to fuckin' write any shit in their damn notepad. What if the therapist thinks that my problems are stupid? Shit, I'm not paying them to take notes on me, I'm paying them with the expectation of having them talk back to me. And every time I did try this face to face problem solving method (with a person besides a therapist), no one could put themselves into my place & see how it is. I guess you can never actually feel exactly what the other is feeling, or understand exactly what the other is feeling; unless you are the other person or you've been in that place before too. But even if I've never been in the place of the others, I've felt something close to what they did when they came running to me for help.
Yes, I know that I'm a complete nutcase, but we all are right? I mean we are just mammals, just another group of animals. And to aliens in outer space, we're just a bunch of weird aliens.